I went back to sleep again cause i had about 2-3 hours to kill before work. Woke up with twitchy eyes. My left is the sore one but somehow they're both affected. And when i got up, the headache that followed, was beyond me. I'm the type that goes to work no matter how unwell i feel but clearly we can't do that now. I remember feeling so upset that i couldn't go to work because i had minor coughing episodes. Haha. I should learn to put myself first. Waiting for updates regardin the meeting because i'm still clueless. I was annoyed with the headache and everythin so i forced myself to go back to sleep.
I'm assuming this is normal. The fact that everythin goes crazy AF first before it gets better. Just like what Katy Perry says, "After a hurricane, comes a rainbow~"
But i'm tired of the hurricanes, Katy. Can't i just buy the rainbow online and call it a day?
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A lot of people are telling me i lost weight. And then they'd ask me "how?"
Would not recommend but... Just don't eat?
Hahaha.
But honestly though, all jokes aside, i really have not been eating well. And my appetite has been wrecked for too long. I'm starting to see small positive changes but i don't know where it'll lead to. I guess we'll see.
Chloe gave us those Vitamin thingies that dissolve in water for us to consume. I looked it up and apparently Vit D is good for seasonal dep. I have been drinking it religiously everyday.
It might not even do jack but i want to feel like i'm doing at least something, to help myself.
Placebo affect much.
I'm feeling much better but the fear is so real, friends. I just can't imagine myself ever feeling that distinct painful emotion again. I pray that nobody ever goes through that in their lifetime. I still can't explain what it was or how it felt to you. But if i can choose a word that just sums it right up, i would say Death.
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Once Covid is over and we can all travel again freely, i don't think i'll ever come back. I'll find someplace peaceful with little to no civilisation and just be free. Don't get me wrong, i don't hate it here. But i do like the idea of starting over. Clean slate. Nobody knows me.
Nobody has to know me.
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Just got updates that our studios are gon be closed for the next week. Classes are suspended but we'll still head to work to do a bunch of discussions of course. I'm trying to just focus on breathing in and out slowly so that i don't think. Cause we all know what happens when i think. Shit gets loud in there.
I don't know if my brain and body is equipped for another lockdown. God, i really need You right now.
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