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13 December, 2019

A day to remember...

Crossed borders with Dad's side of the family for the first time ever. Ferr and i seem to always casually bump into our aunt in JB and so we figured, why not arrange a day where all of us could travel together. I've always admired Dad's side because they're all well-travelled, incredibly generous and just very welcoming in general. My sisters and i are socially awkward so we always stuck out like sore thumbs in social family events like chalets or barbecues. Our aunt would be the one chatting us up and bringing everybody together and because of that, i've always looked up to her. 

We met real early and it was pouring. Ferr and i had a little Bollywood moment as we sang and walked in the rain towards the bus stop for a bit. We were freezing afterwards but was it worth it? Yes. For sure. 

We met Aunt Ani and Tata first and eventually Aini and Aji came along. We took an hour and a half long bus ride to Woodlands and hopped on another bus to head to the train checkpoint. Of course all tickets were sold out so we walked our way via the link bridge (quite a walk) and then finally we got to immigrations. 

Everyone was busy getting their passports out of their bags. I casually took out mine and then noticed that my passport was punctured. I don't know how to explain the horror but the moment i realized i had brought the wrong passport, i just blanked. 

And then i turned to Ferr and went all "oh my GOD i brought the wrong one!!!". Immediately she thought i was joking but i didn't have time to explain so i called after my Aunt who was already in the queue and i quickly informed her of the unfortunate situation. My cousins rushed over and upon hearing the bizarre story, they chuckled. Even i did too. We all did. 

:')

Ferr and i walked off while the others made their way to Malaysia first because i wasn't gonna hold them back. Also, it would NOT be ideal for everyone to follow me back home just to get my passport. Ferr accompanied me by default because she knows that i'll prolly suffer an attack and just die in the midst of walking. We had to be escorted by policemen to head back out and i can't even begin to explain to you the embarassment i felt when i had to explain why i needed to go back out. 

It was something else. 

I have travelled quite a bit and i have NEVER been so irresponsible. The whole time i just kept thinkin about how this would've turned out if i was about to catch a flight to elsewhere instead of a random bus to jb. I would've blanked for a bit, realized my big-ass mistake, go to a corner to cry and just go home and not do anything. I will also probably not recover from the incident and continue living in shame forever. 

It was raining so heavily and Gojek/Grab was gonna cost a bomb in high demand so i called my dad, praying and hoping to God that he's back home. Lucky for me, he was home and he agreed to send my passport over. Of course he nagged and nagged while tryin to go through my messy room just to get the passport but Dad, just know that i can NEVER express my gratitude enough for your kindness. I would not know what to do if it weren't for your help. Honestly.

Ferr and i waited in the waiting room of KTM's ticketing place and half an hour later, Dad emerged all drenched in his raincoat with his bike. I felt so, so guilty but we had no more time to waste so i thanked him and we left. We had to walk over to the imm side all over again and join the longggggg queue. The queue at JB's immigration side reached the end of the wall, mind you. 

I told the others to eat first and not to wait because everybody skipped breakfast and by then it was already lunch. They insisted on waiting and so, after what felt like an eternity, we finally reunited again at CS mall and dined to eat. 

I still felt embarassed but i didn't really feel like i hated myself or that i wanted to jump off a building. I felt strangely at ease. I was calm. But of course life just had to send me multiple more tests... 

I headed to the washroom and then i took out my perfume that i had just bought two weeks prior. I placed it on the table while i was ransacking my bag to check if i brought my phone charger. My bag shifted and it hit against the 100ml perfume and it dropped and LEAKED all over the washroom floor. I stared at it for a few seconds in disbelief. 

"is this really my life right now????"

I must have said it out loud because the cleaner looked at me in confusion. I quickly picked it up and threw it in the bin. The cleaner wasn't too pleased because she spent a few good minutes mopping the floor before i came in. I told her at least the floor smells like Dolce & Gabbana now. Needless to say, she was NOT impressed. 

I felt flustered and annoyed so i decided to just zip up my bag and leave but just as i was doing that, the main zipper to my giant bag, BROKE and it left my bag ajar. I literally was at loss for words because i just could NOT believe my luck in a single timeline. I immediately walked out carrying my bag like how mothers would carry a newborn and explained the tragedy to the others. 

We laughed over my encounters but i felt like i wasn't present. It almost felt like i was in a dream. I didn't feel angry at myself. I didn't feel like i hated the universe or God or any or that sort. I still felt calm despite the crazy events. And i don't know why. 

The rest of the day went by okay. I got myself a new bag immedately and eventhough i did not get my perfume, i did manage to splurge on other things that made me feel better. Materialistic much, but oh well. We got randomly upgraded to a family suite and had three massive bathrooms with tubs. The whole hotel room is three times bigger than my actual house so that's pretty neat. We met our Msian family friend along the way and he ended up driving us to places we had never been and he fed us all like crazy. 

The first day started out real bad but the rest of the day was pure bliss. It feels refreshing to be travelling with a different company. And it feels wonderful to be able to create a bond with Dad's side of the family. We ended the day at almost 3am and woke up for breakfast at 8am the next day. We also spent the rest of the night in jb still just hanging out doing a bunch of stuffs. 

I really enjoyed myself this trip. I wouldn't change it for the world. To many more experiences. 

X







17 November, 2019

hello friends

I can't even begin to explain the exhaustion. I'm grateful to be back home and on my comfortable bed. It has been a long Saturday. Everyone's down with the flu and i'm still recovering from mine. I just need to survive another day at work tomorrow and i'll be away on a break. 


I don't really get symbolic or prophetic dreams anymore though. Perhaps i still do but i just don't remember them. They're clearly not as signifcant as before. 

Or maybe i'm just too tired for anything these days. 






29 July, 2019

Hey friends

Alhamdulillah for everything.
The good, the bad and the in-betweens.
X

19 June, 2019

A walk to remember

Today's Raya walk (lol the literal translation of Jalan Raya sounds off) has been pretty nice. I've been feeling a little off and uneasy for the past few days so i figured this outing could be a good distraction for myself. From myself.

I wish i could explain what i'm feeling in words. I don't know what's causing it or what's triggering it but i'm hoping it goes away soon. I'm tired of feeling uneasy. It's mentally draining.

I haven't been writing on here because i've been struggling to string words together. I would type something and delete them soon after.

The "Social Media Cleanse" did not work.
Or maybe it did in the beginning just like everything else i've tried. It's hard to find a cure for something you don't even know about to be honest.

It's currently 4am. I've got to be up by 7am. I'm grateful i'm on the morning shift. I'll get to go home early and hibernate. Sleep usually makes me feel slightly better but this time, it doesn't. I am struggling to keep it together but what else am i gonna do? What else am i supposed to even do.

I don't enjoy feeling this way. It makes me feel ungrateful. It makes me feel like i'm not thankful for the things i have around me. I have so much gratitude for everything and everyone that i have in my life. I shouldn't feel like this.

It's probably just a phase.

Just like a bad weather.

It'll pass.


29 March, 2019

Greetings from my bed

2019 was supposed to be a year full of self-growth but...

I feel like i'm going backwards.

I had a cold brew today. Who am i?

-

It's currently 2.22am and i have to be up by 8am for a meeting at Nafa. I'm not sure what it's called but it's a session full of potential interns presenting their works and themselves. I will probably be asleep with my eyes open. It is an extreme sport that i'm willing to risk.

-

I need to find ways to really give my 110% to the kids. Lately i feel like i'm at 90ish %. I need to polish my skills for workshops and PF classes too. I've been painting so much that i feel so out of touch with pen drawings. I used to work with a lot of pen and ink during sec school and lasalle days. I used to be someone who hated using pencils but boy, look at me now.

I am a changed woman.

Haha. 

We're entering April already. I feel like we just started March. Where did all the time go? Soon our new studio will be opened and who knows what else will come in the future.

2019 has been full of surprises though, not gonna lie. I'm grateful regardless of the mixed experiences. Bad ones give us lessons and good ones give us hope.

-

Heading to Malaysia with Dee & Lily soon. We need a proper break. I'll be headin to Penang with Mom and Dad afterwards though. Gonna be pretty strange without my sisters there but oh well, there's a first for most things.

-

I'm still pretty much, introverted. I spend most of my days recharging. I haven't been reading or writing much but i definitely found new inspirations. I just need to push myself a little harder for this to work.


26 February, 2019

Light

2019 has been... Different.

But different's good sometimes.

I'm grateful for everything, regardless.
The good, the bad and the in-betweens.

X

26 January, 2019

Won't be the last time

I am so happy with "Don't Cry" by Emarosa. They are going for a change in style altogether but when this song came out, i hear a lil bit of 131 and i just...

I just love it.

I guess one can never fully change themselves completely. There's always that thing or two that makes a person more... authentic? I don't really know how to explain it but you get what i mean.

-

My Saturdays are gonna be a lil more challenging at work. I'm taking more classes and i can already imagine the exhaustion.

I am already exhausted enough.

Will probably head back to Lasalle for a short course (work related) some time in March or April. I honestly don't know how to feel about going back regardless of the duration of the course. I am still very much traumatised by my entire experience whilst studying there. I'm sure it would be different this time round but...

I don't want to remember how i felt.
I can't go there right now.