Modern Myth

2019 has been... Different . But different's good sometimes. I'm grateful for everything, regardless. The good, the bad and the in-betweens. X

I am so happy with " Don't Cry " by Emarosa. They are going for a change in style altogether but when this song came out, i hear a lil bit of 131 and i just... I just love it. I guess one can never fully change themselves completely. There's always that thing or two that makes a person more... authentic ? I don't really know how to explain it but you get what i mean. - My Saturdays are gonna be a lil more challenging at work. I'm taking more classes and i can already imagine the exhaustion. I am already exhausted enough. Will probably head back to Lasalle for a short course (work related ) some time in March or April. I honestly don't know how to feel about going back regardless of the duration of the course. I am still very much traumatised by my entire experience whilst studying there. I'm sure it would be different this time round but ... I don't want to remember how i felt. I can't go there right now.

Plans got cancelled today because my friends fell sick. I stayed home, watched Netflix, cooked and probably fell asleep a couple of times. I did manage to read a few chapters to Cecelia Ahern's "Roar". An absolutely brilliant book that empowers woman. I started reading it on Sunday despite not wanting it to be away from it's plastic cover. I guess i got too excited. I love the smell and feel of a new good book. I NEVER get disappointed with any of C. Ahern's books. I did not want to finish reading it fast so i decided to take breaks in between them. I want to savour every chapter . Sounds a little gross but book lovers will understand. I might have eaten way too much today. I feel worse than an overly inflated balloon. Managed to squeeze out fresh lemons to make multiple cups of lemon juices though. I guess it did make me feel better about myself. Just a little. I'm planning to stay in again tomorrow. I need to recharge. I'm not going to do anything wo...

I always get really anxious prior to ANY concerts but i always leave feeling re-energized and... Empowered ? Attending concerts have been helping me a lot. Old Rainn would never have imagined herself to be around massive crowds, enjoying shows. Even the thought of it would've paralyzed me. Charlie Puth is amazing. Our first time seeing him live and i was so starstruck (i guess i still am ). From Youtube to big stages, touring the world, he is absolutely killing it. Him playing the piano casually with one hand while drinking tea with the other, is such a mood. I'm living for it. Thank you, Charlie. - I could not sleep last night. The humidity is beyond me. It started raining a little this morning but it's too late for me to go back to sleep. Just like that, we've entered a new work week. Holiday period's starting real soon and i am still NOT mentally ready for workshops. I guess i'll worry about it more when the time comes. Started the morning with freshl...

I feel like i need someone to tape my mouth shut in times of need sometimes. I tend to say a lot of things that are meant to be unheard. I might have possibly overshared a little earlier today and there's nothing i can do about it. If i could turn back time, i would. I have been blessed with a lot of good things but i can't help but to feel like i need to achieve more in life than to just remain this way... I don't really know what to do. Same old vicious cycle.

It's really upsetting when people disregard you altogether by talkin over you. Especially talkin over you in another language that you clearly don't speak. It's incredibly rude and disrespectful. I just find it appaling that it has been happening to me way too many times. Earlier on today, i was invited to a group discussion. I immediately left without saying a word when the other parties decide to start talking in mandarin to each other. I could not help but to feel a little angry. I feel like i'm being looked down upon just because i might not be on the same level as the others or maybe because i'm merely a teacher and not a business owner. I try not to think so much about it but it's really upsetting to be completely honest. In the past, people in groups would talk about me in mandarin thinking i could not understand them. A lot of nasty things were shared among each other despite me being in the room. I could understand every word but clearly nobody knew t...

I just finished binge-watching Netflix's Maniac and let me tell you smtg, the show is brilliant. It's dark, a little twisted & trippy but unsurprisingly relatable to me. The show has the whole Mr Robot vibe, i love it. Jonah Hill and Emma Stone played their characters SO well. I felt Owen's (Jonah) lonliness and pain. I can relate to Annie too. I understand what it's like to want to repeat a bad memory over and over again just to feel it. I guess Maniac is tryna tell us to find great importance is human connection as it will, in a way, save ourselves from crippling depression (or other mental disorders). Those people came in, wanting a cure but did all the pills work or was it just in their heads? And was Annie and Owen still in simulation at the very end because of the artistic flairs of the creators? The pills did sort of "save" Annie and Owen but i feel like they saved themselves because of their strong connection with each other. I just found out tha...