Distasteful

It's really upsetting when people disregard you altogether by talkin over you. Especially talkin over you in another language that you clearly don't speak. It's incredibly rude and disrespectful. I just find it appaling that it has been happening to me way too many times. Earlier on today, i was invited to a group discussion. I immediately left without saying a word when the other parties decide to start talking in mandarin to each other. I could not help but to feel a little angry. I feel like i'm being looked down upon just because i might not be on the same level as the others or maybe because i'm merely a teacher and not a business owner.

I try not to think so much about it but it's really upsetting to be completely honest.

In the past, people in groups would talk about me in mandarin thinking i could not understand them. A lot of nasty things were shared among each other despite me being in the room. I could understand every word but clearly nobody knew that part. For the longest time i had to swallow it all and pretend it did not hurt me. I had to talk myself out of so many crazy ideas. Eventually people found out the truth when they overheard me conversing in their speaking language. The bad talks stopped almost immediately but that did not stop me from being incredibly paranoid, anxious, upset, hurt and of course, pathetic as fuck.

I know i am good at what i do and i know my worth. If you choose to disregard me because of a certain level you think you are in then i'm not going to just stupidly stand there and wait for you to switch to channel 5. I have a lot of other important things to handle. Watching someone disrespect me like that clearly isn't one of them.

When the time comes and you miraculously need help from anybody that is "beneath" you, trust and believe that nobody is gonna be there.