Modern Myth

Today's Raya walk ( lol the literal translation of Jalan Raya sounds off ) has been pretty nice. I've been feeling a little off and uneasy for the past few days so i figured this outing could be a good distraction for myself. From myself. I wish i could explain what i'm feeling in words. I don't know what's causing it or what's triggering it but i'm hoping it goes away soon. I'm tired of feeling uneasy. It's mentally draining. I haven't been writing on here because i've been struggling to string words together. I would type something and delete them soon after. The "Social Media Cleanse" did not work. Or maybe it did in the beginning just like everything else i've tried. It's hard to find a cure for something you don't even know about to be honest. It's currently 4am. I've got to be up by 7am. I'm grateful i'm on the morning shift. I'll get to go home early and hibernate . Sleep usually makes me ...

2019 was supposed to be a year full of self-growth but... I feel like i'm going backwards. I had a cold brew today. Who am i? - It's currently 2.22am and i have to be up by 8am for a meeting at Nafa. I'm not sure what it's called but it's a session full of potential interns presenting their works and themselves . I will probably be asleep with my eyes open. It is an extreme sport that i'm willing to risk. - I need to find ways to really give my 110% to the kids. Lately i feel like i'm at 90ish %. I need to polish my skills for workshops and PF classes too. I've been painting so much that i feel so out of touch with pen drawings. I used to work with a lot of pen and ink during sec school and lasalle days. I used to be someone who hated using pencils but boy, look at me now . I am a changed woman. Haha.  We're entering April already. I feel like we just started March. Where did all the time go? Soon our new studio will be opened and who knows...

2019 has been... Different . But different's good sometimes. I'm grateful for everything, regardless. The good, the bad and the in-betweens. X

I am so happy with " Don't Cry " by Emarosa. They are going for a change in style altogether but when this song came out, i hear a lil bit of 131 and i just... I just love it. I guess one can never fully change themselves completely. There's always that thing or two that makes a person more... authentic ? I don't really know how to explain it but you get what i mean. - My Saturdays are gonna be a lil more challenging at work. I'm taking more classes and i can already imagine the exhaustion. I am already exhausted enough. Will probably head back to Lasalle for a short course (work related ) some time in March or April. I honestly don't know how to feel about going back regardless of the duration of the course. I am still very much traumatised by my entire experience whilst studying there. I'm sure it would be different this time round but ... I don't want to remember how i felt. I can't go there right now.

Plans got cancelled today because my friends fell sick. I stayed home, watched Netflix, cooked and probably fell asleep a couple of times. I did manage to read a few chapters to Cecelia Ahern's "Roar". An absolutely brilliant book that empowers woman. I started reading it on Sunday despite not wanting it to be away from it's plastic cover. I guess i got too excited. I love the smell and feel of a new good book. I NEVER get disappointed with any of C. Ahern's books. I did not want to finish reading it fast so i decided to take breaks in between them. I want to savour every chapter . Sounds a little gross but book lovers will understand. I might have eaten way too much today. I feel worse than an overly inflated balloon. Managed to squeeze out fresh lemons to make multiple cups of lemon juices though. I guess it did make me feel better about myself. Just a little. I'm planning to stay in again tomorrow. I need to recharge. I'm not going to do anything wo...

I always get really anxious prior to ANY concerts but i always leave feeling re-energized and... Empowered ? Attending concerts have been helping me a lot. Old Rainn would never have imagined herself to be around massive crowds, enjoying shows. Even the thought of it would've paralyzed me. Charlie Puth is amazing. Our first time seeing him live and i was so starstruck (i guess i still am ). From Youtube to big stages, touring the world, he is absolutely killing it. Him playing the piano casually with one hand while drinking tea with the other, is such a mood. I'm living for it. Thank you, Charlie. - I could not sleep last night. The humidity is beyond me. It started raining a little this morning but it's too late for me to go back to sleep. Just like that, we've entered a new work week. Holiday period's starting real soon and i am still NOT mentally ready for workshops. I guess i'll worry about it more when the time comes. Started the morning with freshl...

I feel like i need someone to tape my mouth shut in times of need sometimes. I tend to say a lot of things that are meant to be unheard. I might have possibly overshared a little earlier today and there's nothing i can do about it. If i could turn back time, i would. I have been blessed with a lot of good things but i can't help but to feel like i need to achieve more in life than to just remain this way... I don't really know what to do. Same old vicious cycle.